Come Look At My Chest Hair

January 16, 2013 by comelookatmychesthair

Anonymous asked: Dear King Chest Hair, is your armpit hair as impressive as your chest hair?

          Ask King Chest Hair

Uhh, YOU TELL ME

image

Best,

King Chest Hair/Emperor Armpit Hair


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Reblogged from abvh November 18, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

In honor of James Bond’s 50th anniversary - and to a lesser extent, Skyfall, which I thought was good but disappointing - here are all the James Bonds doing their James Bond intro gun-stance thing.
Man, it’s so hard to choose which one’s the coolest. Obviously, we can go right ahead and call Roger Moore’s stance the lamest. Just look at that tub o’ lard! (Third Bond from the right.) The man hardly fucking moves. Everybody else in this lineup is clearly putting some effort into the swivel, but Moore just sort of tilts his body vaguely to the left as he fires his PPK.
If I had to, I’d probably order them thusly:
Sean Connery.
George Lazenby.
Timothy Dalton.
Daniel Craig.
Pierce Brosnan.
Roger Moore.
For more James Bond/chest hair-related literature, check out the James Bond chest hair feature from Thanksgiving 2010.
Chest Hair. King Chest hair.

In honor of James Bond’s 50th anniversary - and to a lesser extent, Skyfall, which I thought was good but disappointing - here are all the James Bonds doing their James Bond intro gun-stance thing.

Man, it’s so hard to choose which one’s the coolest. Obviously, we can go right ahead and call Roger Moore’s stance the lamest. Just look at that tub o’ lard! (Third Bond from the right.) The man hardly fucking moves. Everybody else in this lineup is clearly putting some effort into the swivel, but Moore just sort of tilts his body vaguely to the left as he fires his PPK.

If I had to, I’d probably order them thusly:

  1. Sean Connery.
  2. George Lazenby.
  3. Timothy Dalton.
  4. Daniel Craig.
  5. Pierce Brosnan.
  6. Roger Moore.

For more James Bond/chest hair-related literature, check out the James Bond chest hair feature from Thanksgiving 2010.

Chest Hair. King Chest hair.


Comments

Come Look At My Chest Hair

September 25, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

Anonymous asked: could u post pics of Chris Evans chest hair please?!

          Ask King Chest Hair

No. But that’s okay, because Google has already done that for you.


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Come Look At My Chest Hair

September 25, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

Anonymous asked: What age did you start to grow chest hair? Any young photos of it?

           Ask King Chest Hair

Uck, what?? No.

Maybe I should’ve reserved the vomit Gif for this question.


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Come Look At My Chest Hair

July 17, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

Anonymous asked: who are you your hot

              Ask King Chest Hair

I think I’ll let a post-Clueless, pre-Ashton Kutcher Brittany Murphy answer this question for me:

Signed with complete and utter sincerity,

KING CHEST HAIR OF THE BOSTON CHEST HAIRS


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Really Creepy Chest Hair Pictures People Send Me #5

June 6, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

I received another chest hair submission recently, which is always an extremely frightening prospect. Check it out below, if you must:

image

And here was my body’s natural physical response to seeing it:

             image

Sometimes you’ve just gotta vomit, man. Ain’t nothing personal.

Signed,

Kingly King Chest Hair


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Chest Hair and Beef Jerky Go Together Like Cagney and Lacey

March 28, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

Ain’t nothin’ more manly than eatin’ birthday beef jerky whilst wearin’ yer girlfriend’s v-neck ‘cuz you don’t wanna get any of yer own shirts all dirtied up.

On a slightly more serious note, I really do believe a chest hair-themed beef jerky brand could do well financially. Chest Hair Beef Jerky — a jerky so chock-full o’ manliness it’ll put hair on your chest!” Or something.

You know my email, beef jerky companies. Use it.

King Chest Hair out!


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Come Look At My Chest Hair

March 27, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

abelplw asked: I LOVE CHEST HAIR <3 LOL

           Ask King Chest Hair

That is, essentially, the thesis of this blog. Only, insert the word “my” between “love” and “chest,” and imagine that I’m the one who wrote it instead of you. Then again, why imagine when I can just do the deed for you?

"I LOVE MY CHEST HAIR <3 LOL”


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Reblogged from patchedworklife March 23, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

I feel like some people are too stupid to come to the conclusion — of their own volition, I mean — that my blog is sarcastic. Facetious. Satirical entertainment. Not to be taken seriously. 

Take patchworktidbits, for example, who wrote the following (accompanied by the above snapshot):

I was looking on my dashboard and I found I got a new follower. I was pretty happy…until I saw the url of my new follower.  When I went to go check it out, it was exactly what I feared it was going to be. …There really is a tumblr for everything.

FYI, patchworktiddilywinks or whatever, I only followed you because you reblogged one of my posts. Follow rescinded!

This post goes for everybody, really. If you’re under the misguided impression that this is a serious blog with serious blog-posts that seriously takes chest hair seriously, then you are not only seriously fucking wrong, but you are also dumb as a big, old bag of shit.


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Guess the Celebrity Chest Hair VII

March 23, 2012 by comelookatmychesthair

  

Can YOU guess the mustachioed celebrity chest hair, you celebrity-chest-hair-loving sonsabitches??

Sean Connery Chest Hair Shaving

UPDATE: Congratulations to Sue, who correctly guessed the celebrity chest hair — King Chest Hair the first, A.K.A. Sean Connery! But only after Zanna and Sue incorrectly guessed those other mustachioed chest-hair-havers, Thomas Selleck and Burton Reynolds, respectively.


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